Sunday, 24 January 2010

Don't Listen Annette!

Louiza Patikas (Helen Archer)

We stand on the brink of a crisis – will Helen manage to talk Annette out of going through with an abortion? Whatever your moral views on the subject, for the sake of our mental wellbeing, pray that she doesn't succeed.

Consider the options; Annette is 19, likes a good time (as amply demonstrated by the pregnancy), has no meaningful job, is living in a foreign country and sharing a tiny flat with possibly the world's most boring woman. What does she need to make her life complete? A baby, of course! Or so Helen thinks.

As Helen told Brenda (in strictest confidence, of course, so it's probably only a matter of time till she tells Tom, who'll let it slip to Jazzer, who'll tell Fallon in a drunken moment, who'll… but you catch my drift) "pregnancy could be just what she needs – a positive thing". Yeah, right, I'm surprised she didn't rush out and get pregnant on her 16th birthday.

Should Annette be having any doubts, there was another pronouncement from Helen to Brenda which chilled the soul – "she wouldn't be on her own – she'd still have me." Had Annette heard that, she would probably have rushed straight out and pitched a tent outside the clinic.

The truth is that it is Helen who wants this baby. Can you imagine the three of them living together in a flat roughly the size of a shoebox? Helen already moans about Annette's lack of tidiness – what chance would a baby stand? The poor little sod would probably have to be able to feed and dress itself by its first birthday.

There's no doubt that Helen is putting heavy pressure on Annette, but phrases like "I'll be there to support you" should ring warning bells on the scale of Big Ben. Helen also said "stop me if I'm mothering you…" Stop! Unbelievably, Helen is only 29, going on 60, and seems to have skipped mothering and gone straight to grandmothering. Stand her next to Peggy Woolley and you'd be hard pushed to tell the difference.

So don't do it Annette! Or rather, do do it. Apart from the fact that the child would carry Leon's genes, the prospect of Helen and child featuring in storylines for the next few decades fills one with despair.

Of course, there is another solution which would be ideal – Annette decides to keep the baby but goes back to France, taking Helen with her - Ambridge Organics' loss would be our gain.

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