Emma Manages To Upset Nearly Everybody

Emerald O'Hanrahan (Emma Grundy)

One week to go until Ed and Emma exchange contracts on their new house and Emma is becoming increasingly desperate as the clock ticks down. For new readers, the problem is that Ed has been sacked from his job at Home farm and has five days to get another job. It doesn’t help that he hasn’t actually told any of the family - including his wife - that he has been sacked; in fact he gives her some garbage about restructuring at Home Farm and being let go.

Incensed, Emma marches straight off to see Adam and lets him have both barrels - how could Adam let Ed go at harvest time and when they need his wages so badly? When Emma pauses to draw breath, Adam tells her that he didn’t ‘let Ed go’ - he was in fact sacked for gross misconduct. Furthermore, by rights Adam should have told the police “so please don’t ask me to reconsider.” As a steaming Emma leaves, Brian says to Adam “Ed’s in real trouble now; did you see the look on her face?”

Brian is spot on, as Emma informs Ed that she will never, ever forgive him for humiliating her and making her look stupid. Ed tries to shift the blame on to Will for letting slip the dodgy pesticide business, but Emma says “don’t you dare blame Will” and “why are you so thick and so unbelievably stupid?” I think the clue is the Grundy surname, Emma.

Ed says that they will have to tell the mortgage company before they exchange, or it could be treated as fraud, but Emma says that they still have until Friday. In fact, she suggests that they don’t have to tell the company, as long as they keep up the payments - no one need know. Exactly how she plans to do this wasn’t explained and Ed has misgivings. I can see how this sudden onrush of honesty and probity on Ed’s part would grate on Emma - he lost his job through getting involved in the dodgy pesticide business (in fact, as far as I can remember, he still has a stash of the stuff in the pole barn) and is preaching about how wrong it would be to mislead the mortgage company.

Stuff that, is Emma’s reaction, and she embarks on a one-woman, money-raising blitz. First of all she tells Neil what Ed has done. Neil calls Ed an idiot, but agrees to talk to the bank about raising money. He can’t get an appointment until Wednesday and, when Emma moans about this being a bit late, Neil says that she cannot expect something to happen instantaneously. In the end, Neil manages to get £15,000 from the bank and rings Emma with ‘the good news’. She asks him why does he think it’s good news - it’s nowhere near enough. She doesn’t even thank him for trying.

By the time Thursday arrives, Emma has managed to raise £3,000 from Will (Ed goes spare when he finds out, but realises that he cannot turn the money down), £1,900 from her brother Chris and £320 from sister Tracy, who seemingly raided the kids’ piggy banks. Tracy tells Emma not to give up - “you’re a fighter; you’re one of us; you’re a Horrobin” she tells her sister. Emma reveals that she still has some sense of perspective when she replies “you’re making it worse.”

You cannot fault Emma for effort - she tried to get Fallon to offer Ed a ‘pretend’ contract so that he appears to be earning and they would pay her back. Fallon says that she cannot lie to HMRC and has Emma forgotten that her husband is a policeman? Emma then approaches Jim and asks him outright for money. He is shocked and calls it “an inappropriate request” and will forget that they ever had this conversation.

Next to be offended is Rooooth - Emma has learned that Kenton recently paid off his debt to Brookfield (or, rather, Peggy paid it off) so would Rooooth like to advance Emma and Ed a loan? No she wouldn’t and, furthermore, Brookfield’s finances are none of Emma’s business, so shove off.

You can imagine Emma going round the village, despondently ticking people off a list at each disappointment. Next up is Peggy Woolley, who politely but firmly turns Emma down. As the pair talk, Kate turns up, having taken Hilda Ogden to the vet’s. “Are you asking my grandmother for money?” Kate asks haughtily. “Bare-faced cheek” she adds, as Emma leaves in tears. Peggy says sharply that she doesn’t want to discuss the matter, but Kate bangs on about Emma trying to take advantage of Peggy’s good nature. “A lot of people try that” Peggy replies, leaving the phrase ’like you, for example, you freeloading waster’ unspoken. 

Emma is running out of options, not to mention people to tap up for money. She submits a job application for the post of assistant receptionist at Grey Gables to Lynda, who is a bit put out when she points out that the form is incomplete and hasn’t been signed. Wordlessly, Emma fills in the missing sections and signs it on Ed’s behalf. Lynda is taken aback, saying it’s all a bit irregular, but Emma isn’t listening, as she has just received a message from Neil - Keira has come down with chickenpox and neither he nor Clarrie can look after their grandchild that afternoon. Just time for Em to upset one last person, as Fallon offers her some of her shifts at the tearoom, but cannot look after Keira. Emma accuses her of not really wanting to help and they part, acrimoniously.

On Thursday, Ed cannot believe it when Emma tells him exactly how many people she has asked for money, including Oliver, who has not responded to her calls (he’s abroad, I believe). Emma finally loses it and calls her husband “gutless”. Ed reveals that he has got an interview next week at a care home. “We’ve just got to keep trying” says Emma.

Friday arrives and Ed says that they have got to tell the mortgage company. Emma begs him not to, but he says it would be fraud not to. Emma is unpacking, in tears, as Ed comes back. “We’ve lost the house” he says simply. “You lost it” Emma corrects him. Ed says that they should have realised that it was all too good to be true, but Emma is bitter and broken hearted, saying that they “grafted for every brick in that house” and “now we go back to being a charity case.” She is inconsolable and says “I should have accepted that we’re at the bottom and that’s where we’ll stay, whatever we do.”

Ed goes off to be alone and he texts Emma to meet up later. He says that he’s already got everything he wants in Emma and the kids but he wonders if they can get past their present ordeal without hating each other. “It’s over - I’m not enough for you” and he bursts into tears and the week ends with Ed saying “we’re done Em - I’m sorry, but I don’t know how we can go on.”

Well, it was certainly an eventful and emotional week for Ed and Emma, but it looks as though the house is now history. Will Emma give up one or more of her jobs? Will she be able to face all those people she was tapping up for loans? Only time will tell.

We’ve devoted a large chunk of this week’s blog to Em and Emma, but it was the main story of the week. But what else happened? Jazzer goes to see PCB and tells him about this friend of his who suffered abuse in his youth and PCB warns him that any conversation on the subject cannot be off the record and would be fully investigated. Jazzer reveals the name of Harold Jayston and he is now committed. PCB assures him that he has done the right thing, but I cannot help thinking that Jim might have a different opinion when the law starts knocking on his front door. Not only that, but Jazzer might find himself thrown out of Jim’s house for the second time in a few weeks.

If you cast your mind back a few paragraphs, you will recall that we mentioned that Kate took Hilda Ogden to see the vet. This was no small undertaking, as Hilda fought valiantly against going and Peggy had to help Kate get Hilda into her travelling basket.

What’s the matter with Hilda, I hear you scream? The short answer is ‘nothing’ - Kate noticed a mark, which Peggy says was an old scar, but Kate thinks better safe than sorry. Peggy isn’t fooled for a moment and asks Kate why can’t she just ask Jakob out, instead of all this play acting? It turns out that Kate has arranged for Jakob to have a massage next week. “So you’re not courting then?” Peggy asks. Give her a chance, woman!

Actually, I have fears for Jakob, as I can’t see him and Kate forming any sort of meaningful relationship. I mean, he has all the warmth of a glacier, while she is - well, she’s a flake, to put it mildly. On one of her better days, that is. An unlikelier partnership would be difficult to imagine.

I should warn you that next week sees the day of the Village Fete and Ben and Ruairi are still coming up with different ideas. It seems that the normal ‘Dunk the Vicar’ attraction is in jeopardy, as Alan appears to have gone awol. Never fear, the boys have come up with a substitute - ‘Dunk the You-Tuber’. Lynda is perplexed - why would they want to immerse a musical instrument?

Ben and Ruairi are amused and explain that they are talking about a person who will do anything for laughs on You Tube. They will have to pay him, but he’s daft enough to don fancy dress. Lynda is horrified. Pay somebody? She’d rather be the dunkee herself, as “it’s about the preservation of our beloved fete and the values we hold!” she says, vehemently. Ben and Ruairi are delirious - does this mean that Lynda will do it? She realises that she has painted herself into a bit of a corner and the only thing she can do is agree, with good grace.

I’ll tell you what - this bit of news makes the fete the most attractive proposition that we have had for some years, indeed, if not ever. Let’s assume that ‘Dunk Lynda’ costs £1 a go, I reckon it will be the most profitable Ambridge fete in history - I’ve already withdrawn £250 from my bank in anticipation.