Joanna van Kampen (Fallon Rogers)
A good question - we learned that one of the horses at The Stables has got Strangles, which I am sure you know is a respiratory and highly contagious disease of horses and donkeys. But what about bar managers? Consider: Alice finds Fallon sitting around in her onesie, watching DVDs and feeling sorry for herself and in her “what’s life all about?” and “where am I going?“ mode.
Now, an Internet description of Strangles begins thus: ‘With onset, [the horse] appears depressed, dull and stops eating‘. Sound like anyone? The prosecution rests, m’lud. Fortunately, Alice has the answer and forces Fallon to text PC Burns and arrange a date. They have a drink and he invites her to go on to a club, but she decides against it, later telling Alice that ‘his Facebook page is weird’ and ‘he’s a member of a gun club’. She finishes by telling Alice that “I’m not really sure that he’s my kind of guy”. Well, she gave that a fair crack of the whip, didn’t she? They must have been together for nearly two hours, at least.
David’s kind of guy caused a stir at the Midsummer bonfire - perched on top of the inferno is a thinly-disguised effigy of Justin Eliot and the crowd catch on quickly, chanting “down with Justin Eliot” and similar. Rooooth takes her husband to task, saying the idea is to oppose route B and instead, David has made it personal. Lighten up, woman! Do you want to save Brookfield or not?
It makes you wonder, as on Friday Rooooth suggests she and David go to an agricultural show to pick up ideas “in case we have to change the way we farm” and - risking David’s wrath - she mentions that any compensation money would give them an opportunity to invest. Whatever happened to the ‘over my dead body’ mentality? The same day, David runs into Charlie, who asks him if he really burnt an effigy of Justin? David spouts a load of waffle about local feelings running high, then tells Charlie “If you don’t like it, you shouldn’t have got involved with such a cynical, destructive road scheme.” I bet the Diplomatic Corps was gutted when you left, David.
To make David’s day, Rooooth continues to have a go when she learns of the run-in with Charlie, saying “it shouldn’t get personal”. David’s response? “For me it’s too late - it’s about as personal as it gets.” Just shut up and get on with the milking, Rooooth.
Over at Bridge Farm, Neil brings them their first batch of weaners, which are put into an enclosure, protected by an electric fence. Disaster! The fence shorts and the pigs escape - and all this on their first day. Tony and Pat have an energetic time rounding them up and he is too knackered to go to the bonfire, muttering: “I don’t know if I’m up for this.” We did learn why Pat was so keen to keep pigs at the farm, as she tells Neil that, when Tom’s got his head together, he might well return. Tony, however, hasn’t lost his grip on reality and demonstrates that he has little faith in the power of the pigs acting as some kind of porcine Tom-magnet, when he tells Neil: “We’re not counting on it.” I’m afraid Pat is Tony and I’d watch out if I were you - you’ve already had one heart attack.
Peggy finishes off the matinee jacket for Lilian, and Lil shows it to Lynda, who is impressed at its quality. She is less impressed, however, when Lilian is unable to answer any questions about the knitting technique used and doesn’t even know what size needles she is supposed to have used.
Shula and Alistair go to see Daniel in some parade or other (they’re spending more time at Sandhurst than the cadets) and Alistair says that Dan looks like a real soldier. Shula, however, is upset (yet again) because of how much Dan has changed. It’s what we call growing up Shula - that’s why Daniel wasn’t happy when you wanted him to keep wearing nappies at Secondary school. Things change - get over it and move on.
Now sex rears its ugly head, as, at the beginning of the week, we learned that not only did Roy and Elizabeth do the dirty deed at the music festival, but they both enjoyed it very much, thank you. No guilt trips here, although Elizabeth did go off to be sick when she woke up, but that was the cider, not Roy. Roy wondered ‘what happens now?’ and I had a mental picture of him removing his trousers when, with impeccable timing, his phone rings and it’s Hayley and Abbie, telling him they are making cupcakes for his return. Roy is keen for the relationship with his boss to continue, but Elizabeth heads him off, reminding him that he’s got Hayley and the girls and “it has to end here.” Lizzie and Shula meet up and Shula is concerned, asking her sister if she managed to catch any sleep at the festival? Earlier, Hayley asked Elizabeth if she managed to chill out. Chill out, no - put out, yes.
It seems that Roy is still harbouring romantic (or, more accurately, lustful) hopes, as on Friday, he rings Hayley to tell her that he’ll be working late, then asks Lizzie what are her plans for the evening? Lizzie blows him away in no uncertain manner, telling him she has domestic work to do and why doesn’t he go home? A dejected Roy puts his trousers back on and tells Hayley that there’s been a change of plan and “keep the fish pie hot.” Never heard it called that before…