Sunday, 15 September 2013

Somebody Take Kirsty Away, Quick!

Annabelle Dowler (Kirsty Miller)

I have nothing against Kirsty – quite the opposite, in fact – and the plea in this week's title is to stop her getting too close to Tom. On Sunday she tells Tom that she and Damien are no longer an item. Why ever not? Presumably Damien can talk about things other than the flesh of dead pigs? She even goes to Tom's place and they reminisce about a picnic they had near the Am years ago (Scotch eggs and ham sandwiches, I bet you). This cosying up fortunately ends when Helen and Henry arrive. Keep Kirsty away from Tom, people!

Tom told Kirsty that he has sorted the cash flow problem and indeed he has, by withdrawing £1,200 from the farm account without mentioning it to Tony and Pat. They notice on the statement (Tom paid it back within a few days) and this gives Tony the perfect excuse to whine and berate his son for following Rob Titchener's advice. Tom says he had a temporary cash flow problem and saw no need to involve Tony and Pat. He is also mystified, as it had nothing to do with Rob. At least Tony's happy, able to exercise his moaning muscle. We could be in for fireworks later, as Pat tells Tony that she is entering Helen's necklace in the Flower & Produce show, without telling Helen.

At Grey Gables, Ray continues to destroy the hotel's hard-earned reputation for class and elegance. Lynda learns that he has let the Royal Garden Suite to a travel journalist. Sadly, it had already been booked and Ray leaves it to Lynda to explain to their regular guests, why they have been bumped. Lynda also has to get four fashion magazines for the journalist, as well as doing the day-to-day admin work and soothing guests' ruffled feathers.

Bookings for the Mexican night (an extra prize for best moustache) are slow and Lynda suggests they cancel it. Au contraire! Ray reveals that he has booked a party of 45 geriatrics but forgot to enter it on the computer. Lynda almost has an attack of the vapours when he adds that he has booked a genuine Mexican band. However, she remains loyal to Caroline and refuses to spoil her holiday when Oliver calls, by telling him that everything is going OK. While on the subject of Ray, last week I called his cocktail the 'Paradise Sunset' when it was in fact the 'Paradise Sunrise'. A rose by any other name; it was still horrible.

Martyn continues to wind Kathy up – when she tells him that the chef has resigned, he says that he will vet applicants with her. Kathy explains that she is due a holiday and he replies pompously that she should "consider her priorities" and she agrees to cancel her vacation. She moans later to Pat "Am I really that bad at my job or does he really not like me?" "You've run that place for years – Martyn Gibson is a sad, pathetic workplace bully" Pat reassures her. That's as maybe, but he seems to be the boss. I'd kill him Kathy; no jury would convict you.

Times are hard for Darrell – he's seeping rough and tells Neil that he hasn't gone back to the Elms as a couple of men had been giving him a hard time. Shula gives Darrell a meal of shepherd's pie and an old coat of Alistair's and she and Alan wonder what they can do to help him. On Tuesday, Neil gives Darrell some money for a meal and urges him to go back to the Elms or to get in touch with Elona. Darrell says he can't, but agrees to think about it. That's a no then.

Fallon and Jolene decide on a 50s-themed wedding with a swing band. Jolene tells Kenton about the 50s bit and he immediately thinks she's talking rock and roll and he knows a great band and should he grow his sideburns? Fortunately, before it goes too far, Fallon bangs his head on the bar and tells him it will be swing, not rock 'n' roll. With uncharacteristic thoughtfulness, Kenton tells Jolene that he's been thinking and that a swing night would be better than rock 'n' roll. She's touched.

Lilian comes back to Ambridge (with Matt) and gives Jolene a potted version of what Matt has been up to – very potted; Matt got into a business deal which went wrong; Lilian made it worse; things got ugly and, when Matt realised that Lilian was in danger he tried to protect her and ended up giving up the money. "We're stronger than ever now," says Lilian. Stronger, and poorer. She also tells Jolene that she never stopped loving Matt. What, even when bonking Paul? For his part, Matt thinks the paper mill conversion is a classy job and adds "Believe me, Puss, it's good to be home."

There was much more romance and snogging in Ambridge last week – Josh had a party with his mates at Rickyard Cottage (he was 16 in case you wondered) and, when David went to investigate why the music had died down, he found Josh on the sofa, snogging an unknown girl, so he crept back home.

The passion between Helen and Rob continues – he shows her round the mega dairy and, she says that she doesn't agree with what he's doing, but "You're a pretty wonderful guy" and she drags him into an unused room for a quick snog. I reckon that this affair will come to light when somebody in the village notices their badly-chapped lips.

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