Sunday, 28 April 2013

Coming Home To Roost

Helen Monks (Pip Archer)

Ambridge reminds me of old Hollywood films – anybody who does anything slightly immoral or illegal always gets found out in the end, which is why we know that the Lilian/Paul affair will end in tears; either they will be found out or it will end acrimoniously with Paul beating her up or something.

However, the title this week does not refer to Lil or Paul, but rather to Pip. Last week she lied to her father about being too busy to look after the sheep and we heard her tell Spencer that "London here we come!" The minute we heard that, we all knew that it would go tits up and, sure enough, when putting Pip's clothes in the washing machine, Rooooth and David find a ticket stub and Tube card for the day in question. Oops! A bit careless there, Pip, but serves you right.

David is incensed and, when he sees Pip, he accuses her of dishonesty and lying. "It's not such a big deal" says Pip, rather unwisely, and David continues to go off on one, telling her to "behave like a responsible adult, rather than a spoilt 10-year old." Pip continues her Kevin the teenager impression and, telling her Dad he's being totally unfair, she leaps into her car and races off. However, she doesn't get far as she smashes into Rooooth's farm wagon. Pip is upset about the damage to the car and, having checked that Pip is unhurt, David can't resist saying "and whose fault is that?" Nice one Dave – forgive and forget? I don't think so.

Later on, Rooooth takes Pip a drink and Pip says "you think Dad's right, don't you?" All the listeners nod in agreement, but later on Rooooth tells David to back off. On Wednesday, David takes Pip to the station for her placement interview and picks her up, making pointed comments about getting up at the crack of sparrows for his daughter. This is wasted on Pip, who is upset because the insurers have written off the car and she'll get peanuts for it. "I can't keep scrounging lifts and catching the train – my whole life is going to be impossible!" she wails. My heart bleeds.

Has the incident brought Pip down to earth? Er, no, as the following day she moans to David that she'll end up "with a car that I won't look good in." This is after her parents have decided to help her out, incidentally. Instead of graciously accepting their offer of assistance, Pip blithely announces that she wants a car with a bigger engine. Wrong attitude Pip! David goes off on another one and says to Rooooth, as his daughter flounces out, "if she wants a better car, she'll just have to save up for it!" Kids, eh?

Over at Bridge Farm, Pat and Tony seem to have embraced 100% the idea to sell the cows – so much so that they go and see the auctioneers without Tom. They are impressed when the man reckons that they will get £200k for the cows – so was I and the begging letter is in the post. Alan needs at least £30k to restore the organ – I'd get round there sharpish, vicar! Tom is still moping around, asking anybody who he meets what is he going to do? Tom, sorry to be brutal here, but nobody (with the possible exception of Pat) gives a toss.

Tom keeps ringing Roy, who ignores as many calls as he can before reluctantly answering one. Tom wants to go for a drink, which is a thinly-veiled excuse to quiz Roy about Brenda (who is living with her brother and Hayley). I was hoping that Roy would say "Top of the world – never seen her so happy" but he does nothing to improve Tom's mood when he says "If you had any plans of getting back with her, you'd better forget it." Tom slips that little bit further down the slope marked 'despair' and asks Roy what is he going to do? See the preceding paragraph, Tom.

Paul seems hell-bent on his affair with Lilian becoming public when he takes her to the local races and Lilian has an attack of the vapours when fellow Borchester Market Development director Andrew Eagleton sees them together. Lil is terrified that Andrew, who plays golf with Matt, will mention that she was at the races and with a man. Paul laughs off her fears and, when Lilian apologises for letting him down, he says that letting him down doesn't come close to how he's feeling.

Last week ended with Neil being shot and we learn that it was only a shoulder injury. Neil is the hero of the hour and the story is all over the press. Darrell is also named in the story and he is embarrassed to be cast as a hero when he was in on the dog fighting all along. Brian is amazed that it all happened on his land and he invites Neil and Susan and Darrell and Elona to Home Farm for dinner. Then he remembers that he is talking to peasants and amends this to "well, more a farm supper, really". When Jennifer gets to hear about it, I reckon it will be separate tables in different rooms. Darrell is worried. Not only did he nearly get Neil killed, but he's worried about all the publicity. Neil says they will be OK if they stick to their story, but Darrell is only too aware that Des is still at large and Darrell has obviously read the first paragraph of this week's blog when he says: "I've got a bad feeling. I'm not out of it yet."

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