Tuesday, 12 April 2011

Mothers To The Fore

Dan Ciotkowski (Jamie Perks)

Mothers were much in evidence in last week's episodes. Jamie spent the night at the Bull and, on Sunday morning, Jolene reminds him that it's Mother's Day. He is horrified because he hasn't bought her anything, but she was thinking of Kathy, which is more than Jamie was. He's only been away one night and he's forgotten her already.

Actually, he does go home, but only to pick up some stuff and have the obligatory row with Kathy. "The only person you think about is yourself" he yells at her, before storming out (again). Kathy bursts into tears. Happy Mother's Day Kathy!

Kathy does have some friends, though. Well, to be more exact, she has Pat, and she tells Pat all her troubles. Pat wonders why she hadn't told her before. Because you were mooning over bloody Henry all the time woman, that's why. Kathy shows a rare flash of self-awareness when, banging on yet again about how Jamie is throwing his life away (if only!) she says "I know I sound like a broken record…" How perceptive!

Anyway, Jolene wonders to Kenton whether she has done the right thing by letting Jamie stay and turns down Kenton's offer to talk to him. Pity really, as Jamie would probably have left Ambridge. She also lays down some ground rules for Jamie (like "come home occasionally") and reminds him that it's not a hotel. Jamie wants to work at the Bull, but Jolene says that he will need his mother's permission. Jamie asks Kathy who, in a superb moment of calculated cruelty, says that she will think about it over the weekend. Suck on that Jamie! Bet you wish now you'd bought that Mother's Day card!

Clarrie spent Mother's Day at Will and Nic's, while Eddie and Joe's latest attempt to get out of the Lenten cheese sandwich lunch saw them having a three-course meal, with cheese and coffee, at Jim's. Their delight at having a decent lunch is spoiled somewhat when Jim presents them with a bill for £10 each. They accuse Clarrie of taking part in a mean trick, but they are distracted when Clarrie tells them that Jolene and Kenton are an item (Kathy told her). Poor Eddie has always fancied Jolene and is distraught – "What does she see in him?" he wails. Offhand? He's funny, reasonably bright, doesn't keep trying stupid scams, doesn't smell of cows and compost, doesn't make his own alcohol and knows how to use a tea towel. I could go on, but that will do for starters.

An absent mother is Jennifer, who, we are told, is enjoying herself in Johannesburg. Which is more than stand-in mother Brian is doing with Ruari. "He never stops" Brian tells Lilian. He's almost at the end of his tether and he's only got Ruari for a week before he packs him off to his Irish relatives. In desperation, Brian asks Lilian to pick Ruari up, but she tells him to do one, so he ends up asking Will to pick him up and take him to George's birthday party.

There is a new character at the party, as Emma has had her second child – a girl. At the birth, the midwife suggests that Ed take Emma's mind off the pain by telling them about his day. Five minutes later, Emma and midwife are comatose and the baby has decided to stay where it is.

Eventually Emma gives birth to a baby girl and Ed immediately goes into mega-soppy mode – it's bloody Henry all over again. "It's the best day of my life" Ed tells Emma. Grandmothers Susan and Clarrie are equally smitten but they haven't been told the new arrival's name and the week ends with none of us knowing. God, the suspense – I haven't been this wound up since Bert Fry's ploughing competition!

The baby comes home on George's birthday and William demonstrates exactly what a charmless nurk he is by telling Nic that Ed arranged things deliberately so that the baby was born close to George's birthday. Being as ungracious as only he knows how, Will further complains because a lot of George's presents are at Ed and Emma's and he tells Nic that "Emma had better ring from hospital before George goes to school". Nic (who is way too good for Will) points out that Emma has probably got other things on her mind right now and probably wonders if she is living in an episode of "Grumpy Old Men", or in this case "Grumpy Young Gamekeeper".

With the best will (no pun intended) in the world, William is a misanthropic, 100% miserable git – and that's on a good day. It seems that George might be a chip off the old block, as he is very unhappy that Mia won the Musical Chairs at his party. "It's my party – I should win" he says petulantly, while shoving her. When you're older, George, have a talk with Jamie about how unfair life is.

Ed and Emma try to get George to be a bit nicer, but Will – who I suspect will not be asked to be Godfather to the new baby – immediately reads something sinister into this, saying that this is the shape of things to come and the new baby will take precedence. Moans Will: "If those two are going to make George feel left out, I'll have something to say about it." Good Lord! Surely not?

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