Tuesday, 22 March 2011

Happy Endings All Round - Nearly

Edward Kelsey (Joe Grundy)

The writers seem to have been taking their nice pills recently, spreading happiness far and wide. Firstly we have the 'will she, won't she?' story of Lizzie having an ICD fitted. You might think that this is a contraceptive device, but you'd be wrong – apparently it's like a pacemaker and regulates the heartbeat, even administering a shock, if needed. Be honest - wouldn't you be tempted to follow her around and jump out at her, shouting "Boo!"?

Anyway, she decided to go ahead with the operation and all went well and she was back at home on Friday, much to David's relief, as he was feeling responsible. The ICD seems to have made Lizzie's brain work properly as well as her heartbeat, as she tells David that she will be getting a temporary manager in. But no need to go looking, as Caroline (presumably wearing her pimp's outfit) suggests that Roy spends a few weeks working at Lower Loxley. Lizzie accepts gratefully and Roy slips into the bondage outfit.

The twins are going through a hard time and Jill is determined to find out why Freddie is so moody. What? Apart from having his father die suddenly and his mother rushed to hospital in an ambulance, you mean? Jill tries catering therapy and, under the guise of making a lemon drizzle cake for Lizzie's homecoming, she gives him the third degree, threatening to put his hands in the Magimix. Sorry, that bit was a lie – I was dreaming again.

Freddie confesses that he is worried because he told Lizzie he hated her and feels that it is all his fault – you don't reckon that David is his real father, do you? Jill tells him not to worry and it could have happened anytime, plus she has wonderful news, Topper hasn't been carted off to the cat food factory and is in fact in livery at Shula's stables, where Freddie can visit him whenever he likes. Another happy ending.

Brian is ecstatic too, as his plan to smoke out the Borsetshire Land mole succeeds spectacularly, much to Lilian's discomfort. A gloating Brian tells Jennifer lately that the mole – Andy Smith – will be resigning from the BL Board immediately. "I just wish I could see Matt's face" says a gleeful Brian. My advice is don't gloat too soon Brian.

Eddie's 60th birthday day at the races goes swimmingly, starting with a full English breakfast and receiving £100 stake money from the family. The picnic is a triumph and Lilian even brought a bottle of champagne – not only that, but she shared it around, as Clarrie said that the bubbles had gone to her head; presumably to meet their friends. Eddie managed to go through the entire meeting without a winner, giving Clarrie his last £10 to put on the last race. Clarrie doesn't back his choice, but puts the money on another horse, because she likes its eyes, or similar and – would you believe it, it comes in at 20 to 1. Credible? I don't think so.

So the Grundys are happy, but will it last? Joe says that he has wangled an invitation for Sunday lunch for him and Eddie at the Snells and he and Eddie are in high spirits. Of course, this is Joe (more cunning plans than Baldrick) we're talking about and I reckon you could safely put Eddie's £200 winnings on the fact that it's all going to go nads up somehow.

Jolene and Kenton are enjoying each others' company, but here the writers' nice pills are wearing off, as Jamie has spotted that they are an item and, in a row over his maths homework, he suggests that he ask Kenton. This, he adds nastily, will mean going down to the Bull and didn't Kathy know that Kenton and Jolene were together now? The answer to that is 'no' and an upset Kathy arranges to go and see Pat. However, when Kathy tells Pat that she has something important to tell her, Pat becomes obsessed with Henry, picking him up and talking to him. What is it about this child that everyone stops what they are doing to tend to him? It's like a scene out of the Midwich Cuckoos (or the film Village of the Damned, if you don't read) – check to see if Henry's got golden eyes, someone.

When Pat is released from Henry's mental control, she asks Kathy what it was that she wanted? "It will keep for another day", says a disconsolate Kathy and then presumably goes home for a good, long moan and sulk, no doubt buying a cat on the way for something to kick.

Also unhappy are David and Ruth, as Alistair confirms that the sick cow does have Johne's (pronounced 'Yo-nay's) disease. To what extent has it infected the rest of the herd? The only way to find out is to collect dung samples from each cow for Alistair to test them – and I thought that my weekend was bad enough because of having to cut the grass…

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