Angela Piper (Jennifer Aldridge)
Have you noticed how the titles of these pieces have suddenly become the titles of songs? Anyway, ain't love grand? And it appears to be busting out all over Ambridge.
Jennifer appears to be involved in a lot of it – not personally, you understand, but by getting in people's way, asking stupid questions and not picking up on hints. Take for instance the situation between Lillian and Paul. When Lillian waxed lyrical about spending the day in London, Jennifer immediately said that they could both go next time. "Oh what fun!" she squealed. Meanwhile Lillian, who had obviously been planning a bit of quality time alone with Paul showed all the enthusiasm of a Rabbi given pork chop. Next time there's a fancy dress ball, Jennifer could go as a green, hairy fruit.
Jennifer featured too in the story about Chris and Alice, who hadn't seen each other for ages and who were spending their own quality time in Alice's bedroom, popping down for the odd bit of sustenance – presumably raw meat in Chris's case. I suppose we should be thankful that Jennifer never said something like "what can they be doing up there all this time?" but she did suggest that they went and collected the angling fees from the lake. Let's think – to go and collect money from sad anglers, or stay in bed for an all-day nookie-fest? Tough choice.
Anyway, Alice and Chris have now moved into her cottage for a week. "I don't know what your father will say!" wailed Jennifer. Knowing Brian, he'll probably say "Damn good job; I was beginning to wonder whether the ceiling would last out."
Finally on the subject of Jennifer's density, we have the possibility that Matt might be allowed home with an electronic tag. Jen bewailed the fact that he would not be allowed out between 7pm and 7am, saying that it was Summer coming up. Honestly woman, if he was banged up in prison, he wouldn't be allowed out at all, plus, what part of the word "punishment" do you not understand?
Speaking of Matt, if he is released, will that wee on the bonfire that is the developing closeness between Lillian and Paul, or will Lillian have time to cuckold Matt before he gets out? Do we care? Paul says things like "there's so much I don't know about you Lillian". She smokes like a factory chimney, takes on board industrial quantities of gin and has a past more chequered than the design department of a chess-board factory – what else does he need to know?
Finally on the love front, Pip (or Fizz, if you prefer) learned a valuable lesson about men. When it turned out she'd be unable to go with Jude and his mates on a surfing holiday, she pictured the two of them holding hands and being lovey-dovey in Ambridge as Jude gave up the holiday to be with her. No way Pedro! Jude expressed his disappointment, then rapidly moved in the same sentence to "of course, it won't be the same without you…" Pip was stricken, but you got the impression that Jude didn't realise – he was too busy waxing down his surfboard.